1. Establish a 'bike account' (real or imaginary) that is purportedly funded by work bonuses that may or may not actually exist and the sale of shit-can bikes and components on craigslist that go for "amazing sums". It's important to talk about the bike account at every opportunity, ad nauseam, until it is a household term. Since its purpose is to explain everything.
2. When the bike account runs dry, as it surely will,
And that's pretty much all there is to it.
Not that I have my eye on a new bike or anything. Just presenting this in the interest of public bike service.