Sunday, April 12, 2015

How To Say This . . .

I wanna tell you something, but I don't know how, exactly.  The information is marital-related, and as such, my blabbing about it on the interwebs is inherently perilous.  Mightily so, as a matter of fact.

If I was smart, I would gorilla-tape my pie hole shut until the urge passes.  Unfortunately, I have never let 'smart' be my guiding principle.

So here it is:  Patty has gotten kinda fa . . .

Oh holy hell, I can't believe I almost said that!

What I meant to say is this:  Her new bike makes her butt look kinda skinn . . .

O. M. G.  I am 5-3/4 of the way into my 6 foot grave!

What I really meant to say is that her BMI has recently gone above average.  And by BMI I'm talking about "bike mass index".  (Seriously, who doesn't know this?!?)

Shit, I'm toast.  It's been nice knowing you.


Since there's a tiny window of time between now and when I will actually be smitten, please allow me to post up a pic of Patty's new fatbike:

When you buy a bike at the Bike Swap, the first place you get to ride it is in the massive parking lot at the fairgounds.  Word.

She does seem not exactly unhappy, in this moment.  Which I will gladly take, at this moment.

One of the great perks of being a bike nerd is knowing, and I mean mofu KNOWING, that you know exactly what new bike your spouse needs, to make his or her life complete, bike-wise.  If you know what I mean.  It usually always works out, but in this case I have extra high hopes.


In other timely, imperative news, my flirtation with becoming a hobby home-machinist finally and mercifully ended this weekend.  After a couple-or-three years of being invested in a multi-hundred-pound piece of equipment and the deliberations of where to put it and how to move it and how to use it and and how to generally deal with and repair it, I'm glad to be non-deliberating.  The lathe has a righteous new owner/home, and I can't remember feeling so satisfied and unburdened.

To be clear, it would be super awesome to have the capability to go out to my shop and turn down some small bits for whatever, but I botched the execution of placing the right piece of equipment in my shop and learning how to use it at the right time, and that ship has pretty much sailed, for the time being.  I have a ton of fish to fry and that's not one of them at this point.  Godspeed, little lathe.


Traditional Bike Club Curmudgeon said...

An old boat owners adage is "The two happiest days in a mans life are the day he buys his boat and the day he sells it."

Seems like it might also apply to lathes.

Hank Greer said...

The Sprutes are Fat. Good on ya!

Stine said...

Can't wait to hear about that bike! I saw those when I was researching rides.

Chip said...

Who would buy a Hooker for his wife? Oh, Cooker. Never mind.

Phatso said...

Presumably, you were already "smitten" or you wouldn't have married her.

Perhaps you meant smoten.

Or, smut?

Meg said...

Fat bike for her?!? As Mr Burns would say: EEEEEXXXXCELLENT....