Thursday, February 11, 2010

Don't Show Off

You would think that I'd learned my lesson when I was in 6th grade and I was showing off on my skateboard in front of the girls and lost it.

Or maybe when I was a junior in high school and I was demonstrating how to disarm a knife-wielding psychopath and launched a pocketknife into the arm of the girl I had a crush on.

Or maybe in college when I was showing my buddies how I knew my way around a pack of cigarettes and ended up launching my lunch.

But no.

Tonight's bike hang was at our house and it was fun. Yet I couldn't leave well enough alone. I had to show off my new tubing bender. The plan was to bend up a 16" long oval.

Damnit to hell. Stupid shithead. Probably good that everyone was standing there or else I'd have punched myself in the face. Repeatedly.

I couldn't risk laying awake all night thinking about that abomination on my bench. It had to be fixed.

I can hardly wait til I'm 85 and I turn my head into mashed potatoes popping wheelies in my wheelchair for the chicks in my nursing home.

It's probably futile, but on the off chance that I can help even one person, I beg you. Please. Don't show off!


Hank said...

Looks like you were about a third of the way towards completing a trombone.

When you're 85, make sure you get the 48-volt chair. Put some slick mini-mags on the back. Right after the hallway is mopped it's showtime.

Alan said...

Can you PLEASE tell us more about the knife/girl story.

The Germans have a word for this: Schadenfreude. It loosely means, "laughing at other people's troubles." I'm a big fan of that genre.

John Speare said...

Maybe a few more beers would be in order before you showed off next time. It always goes better, when the opener to a show-off session is, "hold my beer..."

sorry I missed that part of the night. that's what i get for leaving early.

Jim G said...

Did you just miscalculate the bending length?

Anonymous said...

That was a mistake? I thought that gap was where the shock was supposed to go.

Full suspension racks rule!

Pat S said...

Hank, I'm starting to think it's kind of a shame that I have to wait til I'm 85.

Alan, her injuries were minor. Our blossoming relationship was mortally wounded. That's all I can say.

John, I was thinking the same thing . . . probably should make it a rule to show off on no beer or too much. It's that middle ground that gets you in trouble.

Jim, I flat choked. People were watching and I couldn't handle the pressure. I grabbed the end of bend mark instead of the start of bend mark. I think my last words before actually screwing everything up were, "Hey guys, watch this!"

Anon, full-suspension rack. Heh. Heh, heh. Heh, heh, heh. Hmmmm. Now that I think about it . . .

كمال وهبه said...

شركة تنظيف شقق بالمدينة المنورة
شركة تنظيف شقق بالمدينة المنورة نور المدينة 0504545835 نقدم تنظيف خزانات بالمدينة المنورة و تنظيف شقق بالمدينة المنورة و تنظيف فلل بالمدينة المنورة النظافة هى اساس الحياة الصحية بالاضافة لكونها اول علامات الاناقة والرقى ولا يمكن

ابدا ان نجد منزل انيق وغير نظيف فهاتين الصفتين لا تجتمعان معا ابدا.بالاضافة لتاثير عدم النظافة على صحة سكان المنزل وكثرة

اصابتهم بالعديد من الامراضومن هنا جاء دورنا نحن شركة تنظيف شقق بالمدينة المنورة ستخلصك من كل هذا ونقدم لك يد

العون. كلنا يتمنى منزل انيق نظيف ومريح ولكن نظافة المنزل ليست بالامر الهين ولا يستطيع الشخص العادى القيام بها كما

ينبغى وهنا تقتضى الحاجة اللجوء لمتخصص لمساعدتنا فى الحصول على منزل نظيف صحى خالى من الامراض.

نحن شركة تنظيف منازل بالمدينة المنورة خير من يقوم عنكم بهذه المهمة ولدينا كل مقومات النجاح التى تمكنا من القيام

بما يوكل الينا من اعمال.
شركة تنظيف بالمدينة المنورة