Thursday, February 11, 2010

Don't Show Off

You would think that I'd learned my lesson when I was in 6th grade and I was showing off on my skateboard in front of the girls and lost it.

Or maybe when I was a junior in high school and I was demonstrating how to disarm a knife-wielding psychopath and launched a pocketknife into the arm of the girl I had a crush on.

Or maybe in college when I was showing my buddies how I knew my way around a pack of cigarettes and ended up launching my lunch.

But no.

Tonight's bike hang was at our house and it was fun. Yet I couldn't leave well enough alone. I had to show off my new tubing bender. The plan was to bend up a 16" long oval.

Damnit to hell. Stupid shithead. Probably good that everyone was standing there or else I'd have punched myself in the face. Repeatedly.

I couldn't risk laying awake all night thinking about that abomination on my bench. It had to be fixed.

I can hardly wait til I'm 85 and I turn my head into mashed potatoes popping wheelies in my wheelchair for the chicks in my nursing home.

It's probably futile, but on the off chance that I can help even one person, I beg you. Please. Don't show off!


Hank said...

Looks like you were about a third of the way towards completing a trombone.

When you're 85, make sure you get the 48-volt chair. Put some slick mini-mags on the back. Right after the hallway is mopped it's showtime.

Alan said...

Can you PLEASE tell us more about the knife/girl story.

The Germans have a word for this: Schadenfreude. It loosely means, "laughing at other people's troubles." I'm a big fan of that genre.

John Speare said...

Maybe a few more beers would be in order before you showed off next time. It always goes better, when the opener to a show-off session is, "hold my beer..."

sorry I missed that part of the night. that's what i get for leaving early.

Jim G said...

Did you just miscalculate the bending length?

Anonymous said...

That was a mistake? I thought that gap was where the shock was supposed to go.

Full suspension racks rule!

Pat S said...

Hank, I'm starting to think it's kind of a shame that I have to wait til I'm 85.

Alan, her injuries were minor. Our blossoming relationship was mortally wounded. That's all I can say.

John, I was thinking the same thing . . . probably should make it a rule to show off on no beer or too much. It's that middle ground that gets you in trouble.

Jim, I flat choked. People were watching and I couldn't handle the pressure. I grabbed the end of bend mark instead of the start of bend mark. I think my last words before actually screwing everything up were, "Hey guys, watch this!"

Anon, full-suspension rack. Heh. Heh, heh. Heh, heh, heh. Hmmmm. Now that I think about it . . .