Saturday, April 3, 2010

Watching Paint Dry

The latest rack's at a certain sticky stage and there's not much I could do tonight.

Boredom and paint fumes kicked in and I decided to pimp my ride.

I also decided that since this is our main park bike and since I now understand park rules and regs, that I would prepare for the next inevitable confrontation with Marksalot. So next time he shines his dumbass flashlight in my face and tells me that that the park closes at eleven, I'll just tell him to talk to the bike.

No matter which side I happen to be standing on.


Alan said...

Such vulgarity! I'm afraid that it's because of posts like this that I'm going to have to recommend you to all my friends.

Hank said...

Clever, creative, and crude. Awesome!

Hmm, but probably difficult to explain when the kids at the ice cream parlor ask their mom, "Who's Sherlock and why doesn't he have any shit?"

John Speare said...

I once bought a Valient from a friend of mine that had a bumper sticker: "Uppity women unite." I complained about it to my buddy who painted over some letters, so it said "pity me unit." I complained about that too.

Anonymous said...

My dear Mr. S:

I am pleased to read that you have heard of my promotion to detective rank and my elective colostomy. The bike message is a wonderful bit of encouragement. Thank you.

Along with my permanent catheter, my colosotomy bag assures that I do not need leave my park patrol in the midst of a shift.

Dogs think they're so sneaky, what with the poop bags and all, but we humans can learn from their tricks. Fight fire with fire, I say. And shit with shit.

As always, looking forward to our encounters,

Yours in courage and hygiene,

Mark "Sal" Lott, SpoPoPaPaCaCa

Pat S said...

Dear Mark S.L.,

Congratu-dolences. While a promotion is cause for celebration, the same thing cannot be said about a colostomy. Elective or otherwise.

Which is why I want you to know that, despite our differences, I'm there for you. Extra poop baggies are always on board and when your colostomy bag fails, as they inevitably will, my stash is your stash.

Just to be clear: I will hand you the baggie; the rest is up to you.

When you're not busy picking up after yourself, I have no doubt that the park will experience a whole new level of uninterupted surveillance.

I welcome the challenge.


Mr. S