Tag, I'm It

Jason tagged me a couple-a days ago. The fatcyclist bike meme. I'm normally the place where anything "chain" goes to die. But it's been gnawing at me. Somehow, I'm compelled to respond. What can I say?

If you could have any one — and only one — bike in the world, what would it be?

The day that I had to choose only one bike would be the day that I would fall into serious depression and hopefully, not go so far as to be suicidal.

Do you already have that coveted dream bike? If so, is it everything you hoped it would be? If not, are you working toward getting it? If you’re not working toward getting it, why not?

I have that coveted dream bike. It's everything I hoped it would be. I love it, but I'm increasingly bored with it because the dreams keep coming. Sexy, bike wanderlust dreams. The bible says you're not supposed to covet your neighbor's wife, which is cool. I'm not seeing anything about his bike, though.

If you had to choose one — and only one — bike route to do every day for the rest of your life, what would it be, and why?

The day that I had to choose one route for the rest of my life would be the day that I would fall into serious depression and hopefully, not go so far as to be suicidal.

What kind of sick person would force another person to ride one and only one bike ride to do for the rest of her / his life?

Probably someone who had been sitting in a car too long. Cause that's what cars do to you . . . same drudgery, every day. On a bike, it's just natural to go exploring and mix it up.

Do you ride both road and mountain bikes? If both, which do you prefer and why? If only one or the other, why are you so narrowminded?

I ride both. Because the technology is so cool and provides so much freedom.

Have you ever ridden a recumbent? If so, why? If not, describe the circumstances under which you would ride a recumbent.

I will try a bent when hell freezes over. Or until my back gives out, whichever comes first. Pretty sure I know how that one will play out, since my back hurts all the time and hell shows no sign of freezing over.

Have you ever raced a triathlon? If so, have you also ever tried strangling yourself with dental floss?

The thought of suffering through a swim and a run just so I can take a ride seems kind of ludicrous to me. I would rather do all my suffering by bike.

Suppose you were forced to either give up ice cream or bicycles for the rest of your life. Which would you give up, and why?

The day that I had to choose between bikes and ice cream is the day that I would fall into serious depression and hopefully, not go so far as to be suicidal. But seriously, ice cream. Giving up bikes isn't really an option.

What is a question you think this questionnaire should have asked, but has not? Also, answer it.

Hmmm, where to start. How many and what kind of bikes are on your wish list? Do you own or know how to ride a unicycle? Do you think you have the balls to ride a tall bike? What is the coldest you have ever been on a ride? Have you ever ridden between the hours of 2 and 4 am? Have you ever ridden a fixie backwards? What is the duration of your longest trackstand? Do you dream about bikes? Do you like the smell of new inner tubes and hold them to your face when no one is looking? Does your imagination allow you to picture Dick Cheney on a bike? Is anything on or near your bike made of hemp? What is your million-dollar bike-realated invention idea? (I could easily go on and on . . .)

You’re riding your bike in the wilderness (if you’re a roadie, you’re on a road, but otherwise the surroundings are quite wilderness-like) and you see a bear. The bear sees you. What do you do?

Since this will never happen, I hereby proclaim that I would outrun the bastard with great ease, while laughing hysterically. (When it actually does happen, I will drop to the fetal position and pee on myself.)

Now, tag three biking bloggers. List them below.

I've been trying to talk Crazy John into starting an Ironman blog. I'm going to tag him three times in the hope that this triple-dog-dare will get him to start blogging, lest triple leprosy befall him.