Thursday, October 8, 2009

Don't Touch Your Privates

Marksalot's been dogging me and then also, I'm in the middle of this frame geometry nightmare which is beyond human comprehension and then also, out of nowhere, I find out that we're going into the deep freeze this weekend and that I need to drain the hoses and scrape all the produce off the vines like IMMEDIATELY. You can sense the kind of pressure I am under.

A big part of our produce patch is hot peppers and all of a sudden I need to get them cut up and de-seeded and into the dehydrator pronto. A few beers go a long way towards passing the prep time and at the same time, alleviating the stress of an unwelcome, anonymous, hostile reader.

So there you have it, the makings of a perfect storm. Stress to pre-occupy your mind, beer to fill your bladder and napalm on your fingers. One trip to the bathrom without thinking about what you're doing and 5 seconds later you're pouring milk down your pants.

So I've heard.

I've devoted an entire post to warning you about something really bad. You can heed my advice or not. But if you burn your weiner off, don't come crying to me.

The support group does, however, welcome new members.

So I've heard.


Mike S said...

Wow, I had no idea that you were under so much pressure Pat. I'll throw this out for your consideration; The heat of capsaicin has a paradoxical effect of treating certain ailments such as pain from arthritis, shingles, and some say stress relief. I think you should embrace the heat. I bet if you rub the chili oil all over yourself you’ll be moving around your yard so fast that you’ll have all your to-do’s done before dark tonight.

Jonathan Eberly said...

I have done this while cutting up a few pounds of habaneros to be dried in the oven. It was the worst pain ever and nothing helped. I ended up squating in the shower pouring cups of cold water over myself, regretting my stupidity. I am now very cautious where I put my hands after handling peppers.

Pat S said...

"I think you should embrace the heat."

Nice try, Mike. Thing is, I wasn't born yesterday.

Jonathan. Dude. I feel your pain.

Sarah said...

Pepper juice always ends up in my eyes. As a result, painful blindnes. Eventually after tears, fear, and eye drops, the painful burning subsides.

I was unaware other 'pepper horrors' exsisted...
until now.


Schrauf said...

Great post. I was lucky enough to make such a mistake after cutting one tiny little pepper, so I learned the easy way. Can't imagine the burning after your hands had slaughtered that entire crop. Revenge of the Peppers, so to speak.

Pat S said...

Sarah, other pepper horrors definitely exist. Now you know.

Schrauf, revenge of the peppers. So to speak.