Monday, October 5, 2009

It's Been Nice Knowing You Guys

Contrary to the impression you might have at this point, bikes are not my life, just my escape from reality. My happy place.

And like the PRO chef who comes home and cooks nothing but Swanson TV dinners or the PRO accountant who's always behind on his taxes, it has been my sincere desire to leave my PRO nerdy self at work and keep my bike life fun. I don't wanna know how the difference between a 172.5 and 175 mm crank affects my experience, I just wanna feel the bugs hitting my face. You know, 'ride, Sally, ride'.

(Just so you know, it's okay for me to call me Sally, but not so much for you. I have a potato gun, don't make me use it.)

Unfortunately you can only fight the unrelenting power of the swirling eddy currents for so long before they suck your exhausted body underwater.

Yup, I'm measuring angles and dangles and wielding levels and protractors and krap after work, after dark, in my cold-ass garage. Normal guys are watching monday night football in the comfort of their recliners. Why can't I be normal, just for once.

I bought a metric tape measure to save time on conversions. What has become of me?

But more importantly, what has become of us?

Well, if strikes me that if you are all about being bored out of your skull, you won't need to change a thing . . . just keep stopping by. But I know that not many of you fit that description. So I suspect that you may find better places to spend your web-time.

But before you go, can I just ask you one question: Do you have, or have you ever had, trouble sleeping at night? Might I suggest 26InchSlicks?

(Hmm, wonder if my own blog will work on my own myself . . .)


Mike S said...

If you're trying to tell us that you're going to start modifying and/or building bike frames in your new garage, I guess we should have all seen it coming! Nice knowing you.

All the warning signs were ignored: The strange habit of dumpster diving for old steel frames, 50 AMP circuit to the garage, the magic markers, the collection of tools, metric measuring tape(who uses that?), and what looks like the start of a rudimentary jig in the photo.

If I’m wrong in my hunch I apologize. Maybe I haven’t read your cryptic post carefully enough.


Anonymous said...

Dearest Mr. Sally:

I myself have always found metric measurement tools seductive. Certainly your desire to fondle them need not be expressed only in the cold dark depths of your garage.

In regards to your understanding letter, I can say only that my comportment in the park with my long flashlight justifies your desire to spurt a seed potato at me from your spud gun. An eye for an eye.

I should perhaps warn you that we Park Patrol Canine Catchers (SpoPoPaPaCaCa) have been issued yam tasers to respond to increased encounters with spud guns. You may find yourself prodded by a large electric tuber.

Perhaps that is just what you need? After all, you are conducting imaginary conversations with me, and I am just a 99 cent marker, though a damn good one. Maybe you need to get out more.

Have you ever considered taking up bicycling? I hear it is great fun!

In permanence,


Alan Jacob said...

Love the metric measuring tape photo. You very well may have stepped over the edge with that purchase. I didn't even know they sold metric measuring tapes. I thought they were something you could only get in the US, like Krispy Kream donuts.

John Speare said...


The truth shall set you free Pat!

Embrace the natural intersection between your mechanical engineering nerdism; your fascination with fire and metal; and your bike nerdom. Yea, verily.

I'd like to be the first in your queue by placing a pre-order for a front rack.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I am not alone. I only use metric 'air' in my tires.

Hank Greer said...

At first glance I thought the 3M company had lost one.

I have it on good authority that the US is switching to the metric system in the 1970's. Mr Conrad, my 5th grade teacher, told me so.

Pat S said...


Nothing quite as ambitious as building frames, but yup, I have bike fab fever.


Dear Mr SpoPoPaPaCaCa:


I can't seem to get enough. It absolutely delights me as it rolls off my tongue. And so accurately describes you.

Our first encounter was a bitter pill to swallow, but I must admit that the faintest odor of mutual respect is in the air.

I'm still packing heat, though. You don't earn a person's trust with a coupla sappy comments on their blog.

And while we are on the subject, I may be guilty of conducting conversations with an imaginary marker, but at least I am not pretending to be one.


Alan, millimeters rule. Ace is the place.


John, you're all queued up. In the event that I actually figure out what the hell I'm doing.


Anon, is it just me or do you have to work twice as hard when you're pumping metric air?


Hank, yeah. I forgot that we're just getting ready to switch over to metric a few years ago. Thanks for the reminder.